It's official, I think in my brain I feel like I am not "working" when I make all this fun stuff. I have sort of put illustration on the back burner for these months leading to Christmas, while I make all these items to sell at the four craft shows I am in. ARGH! Why can't I just enjoy myself? It is fun, and instead of feeling great, I feel all anxious, wondering if the place I have reached in the illustration career will totally evaporate if I neglect it for 2 months...Sometimes I wonder if I have what it takes. I can't keep up with the constant promotion schedule, the calling of people I don't know. When I do get jobs, these tasks are easier because I am buoyed up by a burst of self confidence. I feel like I am getting too old to be relying on some magazine calling me, to keep me feeling good about myself. Sometimes it doesn't matter, and other times, it matters way too much. I also shouldn't forget that these are moods, I dont always feel like this. It is Wednesday after all! The mid-hump of the week, the "where does it all end??" day. Aahh, and writing it all down always makes me feel better.
i think anyone selling their own products or especially free lancing their own artwork feels like that frequently, art is a very personal thing, peoples reaction to your work all goes back to you so it's hard, all i do is close my eyes and hold my breath and try to get through the slow parts as fast as possible bc like you said, it always passes, and you always know a day will come along where you are on top of the world bc of the amazing response you are getting from your products, better days always come
and i LOVE those scarfs! do you think you will be selling them online? how long are they? i think they're wonderful, you should make more colors!!
Posted by: Pam | November 10, 2004 at 12:17 PM
pam is most definitely right. the creative process is difficult. as an artist your joy, hope, and sadness manifests itself in your creative process. even if making art is fun and sometimes doesn't feel like work, it is a great priviledge you have been given. it is a great gift that the majority of people couldn't even work at if they tried. the unwarrented break from stuff to work on might surprise you. chin up blueskies are here to stay.
Posted by: cat | November 10, 2004 at 02:37 PM
I've been taking a hiatus from free-lance graphic design, in the meanwhile I've been making crafty things to sell in my online shop (which has yet to open!) and trying to work on longstanding DIY projects in our house that were so badly needing the attention...I constantly feel what you just described.
Posted by: Kathleen | November 10, 2004 at 03:40 PM
Love the scarves...going to sell any online?
Posted by: cheryl | November 10, 2004 at 04:00 PM
Oh Tania, we are all in the same big boat, travelling in a big ocean on some rough water. As I sit and paint and make and try to enjoy the process, I am constantly thinking about what else there is to do: things to apply for, shows I'm missing out on, web page to update. It never seems as relaxing as I anticipated working for myself would be. It just part of the job and thinking about what's next. Keep plowing on and the waters will calm soon!
Posted by: karina | November 10, 2004 at 04:03 PM
Those scarves are great.
And hey, just because you're not putting it down on paper doesn't mean you're not illustrating.
Posted by: jingles | November 10, 2004 at 11:00 PM
Those scarves are adorable!
Posted by: jes | November 10, 2004 at 11:59 PM
Hi there! I found you through the Wee Wonderfuls blog. I'd love to add you to the Indie Collective website. Check it out and send me your info if you are interested!
http://indiecollective.unordinary.net
Another fellow Torontonian here!
Posted by: Mary | November 11, 2004 at 11:07 AM
I love your scarves, Tania! They're darling. And I am feeling the same feelings you are. But, I think we all know it just goes in waves like that. You're brilliant, and when this big rush of producing passes, I am sure you will feel even better.
Posted by: Giao | November 11, 2004 at 01:47 PM